"swiftly go the days"

there were days when i never thought i would actually get to the point where i'd be saying this, but tomorrow is my last day in italy. considering the things i've gone through this past year, it surprises me that this fact feels like one of the hardest things i've had to accept in a very long time.

the day i arrived back in messina i had two small, but also monumental experiences. firstly, when i got back to the apartment and sat down on the cot that has been my bed for these past three months i thought, "i'm home." all things considered, this is probably surprising. my designated space in the apartment doesn't exactly scream permanence or stability. when there is not an au pair living there, the room is just the girls' playroom so the space says nothing about me personally... the walls are decorated with pictures of them and their artwork, the bulk of my things are kept in one of my suitcases or a box under the bed, etc. but something about coming back to messina, back to my room, really made me feel at home. as disconnected as i truly am from this place (i don't even speak the language...) i have really come to feel at home here. and that's something i've never really felt back at "home," even after living in the charleston area for about nineteen years.

secondly, after my things were settled and other business had been sorted out (more on that in a bit), i went into the fridge for a snack. i don't remember what exactly it was that triggered the thought (though none of you should be surprised that it was undoubtedly food) but i thought to myself, "ugh, i love my life." and then it occurred to me just how genuine that feeling was and just how long it had been since i'd felt it. i've had a pretty chaotic year, and this experience has done so much more for me than i ever expected. i can only hope that i will be leaving this family with an experience that is half as positive as the one they've given me.

sitting on the couch, listening to the saxophone pouring in from the street down below, there's really nothing left to say but, "i'm gonna miss this place."